Just some thoughts I have been having.....

This will probably be a long posting, so you better run and pee, get a drink or get comfortable....

Well, let me start off by saying its been a few days since I posted anything on here. I have been sorta depressed with my not getting the job I interviewed for. My friend Patty had told me this "I am sorry about the disappointing news with the job, but they probably didn't deserve you anyways. Keep your head up and keep looking." I have to say , that was very nice of her to tell me that and I have decided she is right. They didn't deserve me and I will find someplace that does!!!! So enough about the job thing, Moving on the the next thing that's been running endlessly in my head and I just can't stop worrying or wondering about and that would be my wife. So lets skip a line and start a new paragraph on that...

Ok, The Dr's are not going to do the lung scan on her to check for pulmonary embolisms because all the Dimer tests in the hospital for that come up negative. The Dr did however check her pulse and performed another EKG and in both her heart rate was elevated. He has told her she has Idiopathic Ventricular Tachycardia. She can't even walk up or stairs at home without her heart rate increasing, even just walking from the car to the Dr's office, increases the heart rate. This is not a good thing. They have her on medications to try and control the rate of the heart. So last night while I was at work, I decided to look up IVT and there was like 3 different stages of it. All of them mentioning "sudden death" That is a very scary thought. I am so afraid of her getting worse with this condition rather that getting better. I am concerned about her having to go up and down the stairs in our house. I am worried for her health and not being there if something happens to her. I mean I am sure I am just getting to lost in my own thoughts on this, and that the Dr's will be able to control and or correct this with medication and or surgery. But I still can't help but sit here and wonder... Should we stay here and continue life as we know it today or should we finally open our eyes and move on. Move somewhere that we would actually be happy and live the rest of our lives doing what we want and enjoying life. Move somewhere that is less congested and crowded. Where she can actually slow down and enjoy life.

As for me, I really need to wake up and start taking care of myself. My blood tests came back in, and I am borderline Diabetic AND my triglycerides are 350. I have got to start exercising, eating better and really get myself in shape. I am over weight and I have the stuff at home to work out, I just do not have the motivation. I have the reason, my health, but still no motivation, I am just to freaking tired anymore. I know that if I started exercising and eating better I am sure I would have more energy. I have a couple friends I can start doing things with, its just a matter of finding time to do it. Its so hard to buy special foods for a healthy diet and then buy foods that my kids will actually eat. Because we all know that kids will not eat healthy no matter how you try and disguise the veggies.. (All this while I am sitting here eating Peanut Butter M&M's) how sad is that?

Jordan is having a Halloween Party at the house on Saturday with a bunch of her friends from school. My Dad and Step Mom are taking John and Jayme to Seaworld on Saturday and then to their house for the night so they are not in the way of Jordans party. I think it will be fun for John and Jayme, however this is John's first night of sleeping away from home. I hope he does well and doesn't start crying in the middle of the night. I would have to drive to Frost Proof to get him in the middle of the night.. Lets hope all goes well.

I will end this by saying, I love my wife, my kids, my family both immediate and extended and all my friends. I hope and pray my wife will be able to live a full and happy life, because I could not imagine my life without my wife.. I love you Christine and I always will love you...

Good Night to whom ever is reading this and I love you too...